Now that we are grown-ups ourselves attempting to teach our children right from wrong, life occasionally rockets you a fast ball and you're left there stunned, wondering how to refer to a taboo subject, word or phrase that had up until that Milli-second, had not affected you at all. I have yet to read a Miss Manners column on the proper public etiquette for parents to use when discussing or dealing with others in public when your child has ADHD. If someone has or can find it, send it to me.
In 2012 it is unbelievable to me that some topics are just not socially acceptable to discuss... or at least it seems that way. Maybe it's just me (and my husband, and my family) who are not comfortable with this subject yet and that's why we feel weird talking about it above a whisper or put a file-folder label on it. ADHD! There, I said it.
I used to throw this word around all the time. Using it as an excuse for my forgetfulness, dizziness or new mom-dom. 'Oh, sorry I totally forgot about that... you know, me, I'm so ADD/ADHD.' Because self-deprecation and sarcasm is my number one formula when I do stand-up at work, this comment was always greeted with laughs.
Except now, our seven year-old has been diagnosed with ADHD. I no longer throw around this term.
Yep. ADHD. That's him and we love every single inch of his amazing little noggin. His out-bursts, his jumping-up-and-down interruptions, his incredibly insightful comments and elephant-like memory. Seriously, that kid remembers the craziest, tiny details from when he was like, 3.
I am saying it out loud, I'm serious and I hope that everyone pays attention. No pun intended. Unfortunately, most schools and teachers are not equipped to handle such diagnoses and don't even consider it ADD and ADHD learning disabilities. These students get disciplined over and over, usually inconsistently and unsuccessfully for things they can't control. They get poor marks on tests and projects because they did not understand the directions or could not finish the task. I know it sounds like a typical work day for you or me, but this is real and and I'm not making jokes any longer.
His teachers, god bless them, are trying. I have not agreed with their methods up until our last conference, but after our come-to-Jesus meeting, they are really trying to accommodate. They are doing the best they can. My husband wanted to go in, guns blazing and chastise them for not doing their jobs. Well. I understand, but they are only doing what they know. We cannot blame them for that. It's insane to us, however, that we, the parents, have to educate the school systems about ADHD. My good teacher friends (thank the Lord above for them) tell me that when they were in college, that Attention Deficit was not in their curriculum 15-20 years ago, and as far as they know, it's still not being taught in BA or MA programs. Seriously? The number of children aged 3-17 diagnosed with ADHD was 5.2 million in 2010. 11.2% of those children were boys. Um, I think maybe it's time to add this phenomenon to the educational mix. Yes, we have misdiagnosis and fatigue of the system. But guess what? Our kids still need help. We want them to be successful. They want to be successful.
Our first-grader is bright, oh-so-bright. And sweet, and funny and curious... and boy does he have some energy. See that's what everyone kept telling us. He's a boy. Boys are energetic. After we had all worn that excuse to a nub, I just had a feeling that something else was going on here. We knew that something had to give. The poor little man does not take tests well, has a heck of a time completing his projects in class, carpet-time is actually wiggle and roll around time (I'd also rather be jumping on one leg, staring out the window, but we must try to listen to the story) and it was catching up with him. And this is tough on our tough little guy. As athletic and outgoing and boyish as he is... he is also super-sensitive. He wears his soul on his sleeve and he doesn't like to be embarrassed. That is what happens. In class, at home and especially at the store when we react to him like any untrained, exhausted, frustrated working parent of two would react at the end of their rope in the middle of Target when he keeps running through the toy aisles like a maze... we reprimand him. We are blushing (that's too nice - sweating, yelling under our breath to 'get back over here this minute or else I'll...') He's clearly ashamed of his wacko parents who can't understand how very exciting it is to go to Target. They have like, eight aisles of toys and bikes and sports equipment and movies and books and Easter candy and a slushy machine at the front near where mommy always gets her coffees at Starbucks and Starbucks has really yummy, big, chocolate chip cookies and... you get it. We're learning. He truly loves us and is being patient.
Dear Miss Manners:
My son has been diagnosed with ADHD. We had a feeling that this is what was going on, but now that we have the official word, it is taking some getting used to. It is a relief to have the information so that we can work on adjustments and accommodations with his teachers for our son in class. He will be starting a tutoring program soon. We are thrilled and so is he - to be finally getting some help.
However, Ms. Manners, can you please give my husband and I some suggestions on dealing with our rambunctious, precocious and lovable child in public? While we are now quite accustomed to his rather excited personality while in Wal-Mart, is it appropriate to give the middle finger to other shoppers who stare and glare tssk and shake heads at my son's over-the-top slide into home base while playing the air guitar reaction to my putting the new gluten free cereal in the cart?
We appreciate any advice you can give us.
Maniacal Mom in M.Town
When she replies, I'll let everyone know.
Lol to the last part about in the grocery store and it's probably no appropriate to use a hand gesture but neither are their staring. You could use Mom's lines "take a picture it lasts longer" or "is this your shirt". Love you.
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