Smuggling Snacks in the Bathroom

We've had the altered food plan and have been eating healthily since we learned just how much artificial flavors, colors, dyes and sweeteners can affect Noah. The whole family adjusted and it took a while to get used to but it was worth it and everyone is better off for it... except, well, my sweet tooth and my dairy addiction. (I'm not even really supposed to be 'doing' dairy).

The holidays really threw me for a loop this year. I ate WAY more than my share of cookies, pie, cake, candy between Thanksgiving and New Year's. I was working out less because we scheduled ourselves crazy and the weather was crummy and I was lazy because of the crap I was eating and I think I know I gained five pounds. Ah - don't want to hear it! I thought it and then the sad, cold truth was confirmed when I went to the doctor during my recent bout with the bronchitis that could not be stopped by an entire army of antibiotics... got on the scale. Took off my coat, put my purse down, then the scarf and gloves. Considered taking off my shoes... yep, 5, almost 6 pounds. That pumpkin roll and chocolate drizzled Jenni's popcorn is GOOD and heavy, apparently. Then there were the amazing cut-outs that my mother-in-law made and I was a goner. There were lots of friend and family get tether's and events and holiday-warm-and-fuzzies and shopping that always went better with hot chocolate, cookies and Starbucks Salted Caramel Mochas (half-caf with soy).

And now it's almost the end of January and I've run and been to gym all of about 4 times in the last four weeks. First the baby was sick, then I was sick, that's two and a half weeks. Then my appetite came back and what happened. I felt guilty about all of the crud (yummy crud) I scarfed over the holidays so I succumbed to sneaking my kids Mott's all-natural gummy bears (love anything gummy). Boys: ''Whatcha got, mom?" Me: "muffink!"

Amazingly, I think I did drop a few again while dealing with the sinus infection and bronchitis from hell. An all-soup diet does wonders. But, when my appetite reappeared this weekend, it was ugly. I had cake and Baklava at my sister's baby shower, two Starbucks on Saturday and one on Sunday. During the work day, I am really well-behaved. I stopped making thrice-weekly trips to Insomnia Cookies (they deliver until 2 a.m. to the college dorms - genius!!) who caters to sugar-starved working schleps on Main Street like me. Warm. Cookies. They even have milk and ice cream cookie sandwiches. Can you imagine, during the day? Just sauntering on over to the old cookie shop and ordering up an ice cream cookie sandwich? Decadent and ridiculously delicious during the workday. Let me tell you, if they were open when I was pregnant, this would be a different conversation, and it would go something like this: "So I was in line to get my 3 o'clock chocolate chip and peanut butter cookie with chocolate ice cream sandwich, and some yahoo tried to cut in front of me, and I said..." you get the picture.

I pass up birthday donuts in the break room and avoid the vending machine. I even gave up my chocolate gift from a vendor this holidays season. Took it straight to the coffee station and did not look back. This is all progress. It's at home when we are trying to get dinner ready and the boys are starved because they had their last snack at 2-ish and we haven't eaten a thing since lunch that it all goes south. Seemingly innocent low-fat cheese and a few baked all-natural wheat crackers turns into a dinner before the dinner. I think if I have this, I won't eat the bad stuff (what little of it is actually in our house).

So here's the bad stuff. We bought some candy bars from our niece to support her class trip to D.C. in May. They have been put on top of our storage unit in the mudroom. I stared them down for weeks. I think we got them over Christmas. I wondered just what kind of stuff may be in there. But I didn't care much because I had the Christmas cookies and chocolate-drizzled popcorn and pumpkin roll to keep me occupied. And, like I said, over the last few days, my appetite came back, including my sweet tooth. Now, Noah scolded us for having those candy bars in the house at all. He wanted to know who's they were and why they were there and how long would they stay and it was a problem.

I tried to figure out a good way to get rid of them. But came up with nothing. Well. It's been a particularly stressful couple of weeks. The stress-induced sweet tooth craving must have been building up and it culminated in my husband calling for me and finding me in the downstairs powder room, with the door locked, eating one of these stinkin' (sorry Kerrigan, they don't stink, they are actually really tasty, especially the Crisp and the Caramel) candy bars. A friend was on my cell phone and my husband had just seen me and wondered where in the heck I disappeared to and where I was responding to his calls from and sure enough. I unlocked the door for him to see me sitting there, devouring the candy bar. He first said, 'no. are you kidding me?' Then he laughed hysterically and handed me the phone. I told him to shove it with my mouth shoved full of some amazingly fresh and delicious chocolate for fundraising candy. Well done, niece's school system. You picked a good candy vendor.

There, I put it out there. I smuggle candy and sweets into hidden caverns of my own home for fear of being caught by the rest of my family. Noah can't eat the stuff, we don't generally give Rowan 'candy' yet anyhow and hubby and I just should not be partaking anyhow. It's tough. When you don't buy the stuff on a regular basis and bake homemade on a pretty rare occasion, you just can't help yourself when it is staring you right in the face and calling your name. When you've been stressed. And not working out. And bored. And your DVR'd shows have all been watched. Humph.

I REALLY need to find somewhere, something to do with this candy before March. Because, I just remembered. We just ordered our annual lot of Girl Scout Cookies. I'm toast. (Mmmm, toasted coconut on the Samoas is delish!)